BLOG Reflective Writing Journal Spring 2015

1st May 2015

My friend Kailyn posted this on her face book page.  By Dr John Demartini.

It’s slightly baffling but curious and rather lovely.

True love is a synthesis of the two aspects of one wave, and one full wave is light, which can also be called love. Love is a full quantum state. In physics they know that a full quantum state is massless, chargeless, spaceless and timeless, which by definition is spiritual and unconditional.

Consciousness is light, and it comes in full quantum states. God is full quantum light.

Many people have different ideas of what love is, but I’m defining it as the synthesis or perfect blending of all dualistic perceptions, the summation of all polarities. When happiness and sadness are synthesized, they make love. Like and dislike, positive and negative, pain and pleasure, electron and positron in physics, all dualities, when totally synthesized, are love. No matter what -ology you investigate they all lead to the same essence, which is love, which is the unified field theory that permeates every human being and links us all.


Blue Love Dance Movement

Oil on primed hand made Indian paper

This painting is sold


2nd April 2015


Mirror Me

Like a Moscow metro map

Words but little understanding

Routes but lost in the looking

Which colour takes me on?


Seeking love to rely on…

God’s love, true love, heart-felt

And deep

Lost because it is there

The mirror is responding but

Very unclear

Buddha says, polish harder


Tear drops fall on hot cheeks and

Kiss desert lips

Heart hurts and stomach churns

Two painkillers numb down

Wait…………………………life comes in…

As surely as the river meets the ocean.



Something to remember when it all seems a long way off, whatever it is you seek…

30th March 2015

I am reflecting upon my PhD application and the meaning of practice based research which throws up a considerable debate.  I came across this in my perusing of the internet.

‘Practice-based researchers challenge the notion of valid and transferable research methodology by re-defining the notion of methodology and foregrounding it as an emergent and evolutionary process. Does practice-based research provide the means to re-define research as a subversive process rather than a ritualised and self-analytical undertaking with pre-determined or repeatable procedures?’

( viewed 30th March 2015)

Perhaps the methodology in Fine Art PhD is still evolving and finding its way.  The idea that theory, methodology and critical thinking can stifle the art practice of an artist is one I wonder about.  I am hopeful that given the opportunity of doing of it, I will be able to ensure it is an enlightening and enriching process which assists the progression of my art practice.

27th March 2015

I discovered Joanna Frueh whilst reading Method & Theories of Art History (Anna D’Alleva).  She is a middle life body builder, professor and performance artist who studies the erotics and aesthetics of older women’s bodies.

Joanna Frueh Big healing performance

Joanna Frueh Big Healing Performance

For me her work is brave and it considers an interesting area.  It is based on the personal.

I do not relate it to my own work which is more general and to do with fitness, muscles, movement and process to make art works. We have perhaps the body building in common which is an interesting cross over and aspects of performance. Age is not an explicit factor of my work.

25th March 2015

‘being’, ‘beings’, and ‘being there’…Meeting Heidegger.

‘…there is a being of (all) particular beings in the world and that being cannot be reduced to a particular being.’ (p. 28)

‘Heidegger distinguishes between being (das sein) and beings (das seiende), which is then equated with Dasein (being there; more colloquially: existence).’ (p. 28)

‘Being is a question or a call that can come to us despite being hidden by the obviousness of the ‘being there’ (Dasein) of every day living.’

(Fifty Key Contemporary Thinkers, John Lechte . p. 31)

…being is also a gift, or a giving bequeathed to humanity, and rendered visible in language by the ‘es gibt’ of the German idiom of the English, ‘there is’. (p. 29)

‘…being and thought are two sides of the same coin. Rather than moving in propositions, thought is contained in the ‘movement of showing‘.’ (p. 31)

‘…it is precisely the logic giving rise to propositions that the notions of being and time seek to challenge…poetry is connected to…poiesis, knowing as making…poetry alone brings what is into view, into unconcealedness,’

‘…poetry discloses what is..’.

‘ The nature of poetry is the founding of truth (1971:75) Art, too has a poetic origin.’ (p. 31)

‘…the word for language can find no equivalent for itself in the modern scientific logo’ (p. 32)

24th Feb 2015

I have begun to read and research Muscle Memory.  The idea that our muscles learn tasks which become embedded and easily returned to even after long periods of not carrying out that specific task. Like riding a bike, ballet, playing the piano etc.

‘Muscle memory has been used synonymously with motor learning, which is a form of procedural memory that involves consolidating a specific motor task into memory through repetition. When a movement is repeated over time, a long-term muscle memory is created for that task, eventually allowing it to be performed without conscious effort. This process decreases the need for attention and creates maximum efficiency within the motor and memory systems. Examples of muscle memory are found in many everyday activities that become automatic and improve with practice, such as riding a bicycle, typing on a keyboard, typing in a PIN, playing a melody or phrase on a musical instrument, or martial arts.[1]

Movement is a critical part of one’s life, and it is a major component of human evolutionary development. It has been suggested that our developed cognitive capacities evolved so we could make movements essential to our survival. For example, cognitive abilities evolved so we could use tools, build shelter, and hunt for animals.’ (Wikipedia, Muscle Memory)


‘The muscle cells are the largest cells in the body with a volume thousands of times larger than most other body cells.[4] To support this large volume, the muscle cells are one of the very few in the mammalian body that contain several cell nuclei. Such multinucleated cells are called syncytia. Strength-training increases muscle mass and force mainly by changing the caliber of each fiber rather than increasing the number of fibers. During such fiber enlargement muscle stem cells in the muscle tissue multiply and fuse with pre-existing fibers as to support the larger cellular volume. It has often been assumed that each nucleus can support a certain volume of cytoplasm, and hence that there is a constant volume domain served by each nucleus, although recent evidence suggests that this is an oversimplification. Until recently it was believed that during muscle wasting (atrophy) muscle cells lost nuclei by a nuclear self-destruct mechanism called apoptosis, but recent observations using time laps in vivo imaging in mice do not support this model. Direct observation indicated that no nuclei are lost under such conditions,[5] and theapoptosis observed in the muscle tissue were demonstrated to occur only in other cell nuclei in the tissue, e.g.connective tissue and muscle stem cells called satellite cells. Since in vivo imaging has confirmed that cell nuclei are added during strength training and not lost upon subsequent detraining,[3] the nuclei might provide a mechanism for muscle memory. Thus, upon retraining the extra nuclei are already there and can rapidly start synthesizing newprotein to build muscle mass and strength.

The extra muscle nuclei obtained by a strength training episode, seems to be very long lasting, perhaps permanent, even in muscles that are inactive for a long time.[3] The ability to recruit new nuclei is impaired in the elderly,[6] so it might be beneficial to strength train before senescence.’ (Wikipedia, Muscle memory & strength training)

14th Feb 2015

Today I went to see the Marlene Dumas exhibition at Tate Modern. She has thought provoking ideas in her paintings, some political, some gender based, some wondering about art and the art world. Her use of colour was quite stunning in places. Also her writing is evocative at times and poetic. Her paintings I thought are unique and some really penetrate your consciousness. Really worth a visit if you like painting.

I also saw the Conflict Time Photography exhibition which was really quite incredible. The theme of conflict gradually overwhelms and the various photographers responses to conflict, both at the time and conflict revisited after differing lengths of time, were varied, beautifully presented and executed and really fascinating. One of the best photography exhibitions I have seen. Historically engaging and artistically impressive.

Marlene Dumas image

13th Feb 2015

Thinking about muscle memory, partly as a tribute to Julia (ballet teacher who passed away 10th Feb). Moving on from that the idea of muscle memory going forward into the future might be something I can work on for an idea for the Futurity show application.


Daisy Chain, Kiki Smith

This morning I have been reading Kiki Smith, ‘All Creatures Great and Small’.  In it is described,

‘…an imaginary voyage-that is from the inside of the body to the surfaces of the world, towards complete figures and their surroundings…’ (p.12)

‘She studies the ways in which our identity is bound to the phenomena of our natural environment or how our imagination is formed….an artist who creates the poetic charm of an artistic world from the fragments of our perception.’ (p.13)

This approach resonates with the ideas behind my own work.  The notion of the inside of us moving outward and through surfaces we connect with the external space and the objects and people in it.  My work is driven by emotion and the journey goes through the Field of Fantasy or imagination, as well as other sensory  processes and it is made physical through the making of the work. Where the surfaces of inner and outer meets is where the art takes place.

Kiki Smith has often been associated with making political statements.  However,

‘No matter how shocking they may seem, and no matter that they seem to precisely express central subjects debated in society, they nevertheless remain entirely within the realm of curious contemplation, of naive openness.  These works are perception and contemplation-a scrutinizing, questioning gaze.  A quest for penetration into a world full of secrets.’ (p.33)

I relate to the idea of work driven by curiosity.  My own work is fueled by curiosity, especially curiosity for what my body can achieve and how  that effects movements.

Kiki Smith herself says of her work,

‘My work is very autobiographical.  In the pieces about birth I was trying to reconcile an ambivalent relationship to being here on earth because earth is a difficult place to be sometimes.  Individually the pieces are about other things, but I know they’re basically about me saying I have to learn to be here.  I made some stained glass paintings with images of babies being born-half in half out- and it was like me saying, I’m sitting on the fence, I have to make some decision about being here.’ (p. 33)

I would think that autobiographical work reveals comment upon wider concerns because we live in a social world and are connected to the external.  One feeds the other and vice versa.

Naive openness, curiosity, poetic, notions of why are we here and unease with belonging, fairy tales and imagination.  Themes to elevate and contemplate.

Kiki Smith




plaster works by Kiki Smith (above)

3rd February 2015

Snow!  Time to burrow in and keep warm and work from home a bit. Wonderful sometimes.

From January…

Words A

If I were a word

What would it be?

Useful, that’s funny

I meant useless!

Guardian angel took over

Think positive

That’s better


If I were a word

What would it be


Becoming (in two senses?)

Mesmerising was once

awarded to me by

someone with impact

How I wish that

was heartfelt

Artist dancer gymnast painter sculptor

Artist playing with being a

dancer gymnast painter sculptor


If I were a word

What would it be?





elegant, awarded once by someone it meant

alot from



in fact one word





I like those

I’ll stick with those

But one word?


I wish!

Now that is worth striving for.


Words B

If you were a word

What would it be?




Yes, all of those yet

they miss that you are


attentive (mostly)

occasionally indifferent











Genuine, (although also a bit

mischievous and full of bull occasionally)


I wish!…..





distant, at times

close, sometimes

formulaic, a bit


a twinkle in the eye

available? (no!)

a fantasy (yes!)

but a worthwhile one

so which word 

climbs to the top







yeah, let’s stick with



Mesmerising and hot

What a pair!


Imaginery desire wins!


2nd February 2015

I am reading, ‘Body Art Performing the Subject,’ by Amelia Jones (publisher University of Minnesota Press,  Minneapolis,1998).

‘Body Art is specifically antiformalist in impulse, opening up the circuits of desire informing artistic production and reception.’ (p, 4, Minneapolis 1998)

She argues that the existing structures are male & predominantly white.  Today perhaps, the scene is somewhat altered with more diversity impacting more widely.

The challenging of the staus quo with such immediacy by an artist is, I think, uncomfortable at times but intriguing also.  I like the idea of this form but some distance also appeals.  The pushing at boundaries seems almost essential.  Finding that freedom and infusing that into the work is key.

li wei in road

Li Wei, Chinese performance artist



Heather Hansen

Heather Hansen, performance artist


Pyotr Pavlensky Wire political performance art May 2013 St Petersburg

Pyotr  Pavlensky, Russian political performance artist


Sandra Monterosa

Sandra Monterosa, political performance artist


Joe Moran The Modulated Body


30th Jan 2015

Researching for my essay/presentation.  I am looking at the

Body & Movement in the process of making art.  So it can look at performance as part of the process of making.  The focus of the performance element is not for an audience necessarily although it could be, and it leads to the making of an art work or works.

16th Jan 2015

In my Gym Rings practice there is an abstraction of emotion based on fantasy. Or possibly an abstraction of fantasy based on emotion.  The emotion is real, so it arrives in a Field of Fantasy and is also the product of a Field of Fantasy. It drives me to work, makes me ready for fitness, dance and Movement.

According to some, our lives are a construct of fantasy.  I found this quote today in an Zeitgeist Arts Projects email.

‘No one (Freud announced) lives in the real world.  We occupy a space of our own creation-a collage compounded of bits and pieces of actuality arranged into a design determined by our internal perceptions, our hopes, our fears, our anticipations’ (W. Galin)

I would add; our desires.

14th January 2015

Writing poetry.  Today I wrote one about words which helped me find the titles to my new Pairings 1 paintings.


Reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.  And The Body In Contemporary Art by Sally O’Reilly.

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